Do unto your kid?

This might a bit of venting, so this is your fair warning, However - I do think it is something everyone should think about.

Since John and I have been together (5 1/2 yrs counting dating) we have openly discussed everything - money, politics, beliefs, love, hate, sex, etc.  As a result of these very open, very honest, and judgement free conversations, we have learned to trust each other to handle more mature situations, and have grown to rely on each other for things that we otherwise would not have been able to do.

One of those things is our finances.  In the beginning, one of us never spent anything, and the other lived on credit cards. At various times, one has been the "bread winner" while the other was paid less.  Now, over the course of time, we have made what we feel are monumental leaps in this area.

I'll spare you all the number details, but we often are asked if we're on the Dave Ramsey Plan.  And our answer is always odd:  We were on the Dave Ramsey plan before it was Dave Ramsey - it was called the "Scott Shackleton Pay off Sh*t Plan."  Which is essentially the same plan as Dave, with a few modifications.

If you're unfamiliar with this plan, I highly encourage you to check it out.  However, my point here today is not to glorify us and our spending frugal ways, or Scott (although we love you dearly), or Dave Ramsey (sorry Dave).

Instead, I'd like you to consider something I came across while perusing the Dave Ramsey site today. It comes via this forum in which the mother of a 16 year old High School Student recounts her son's work habits, income, and her choice to keep half of his paycheck.

I could debate with you that while I think this mother has great intentions, she is doing her son harm.  And some could say that since he's earning all this money, he should get to spend it.  And then some would say he needs to pay the family since he's living under their roof.   All of which, I could understand (although I may not agree with them all).

But here's what I thought:

All these people are on here, because they've had problems in the past with being in debt - yet all I read, post after post, was "Well, when I was a kid ....."

What the Hell people? 

Obviously whatever happened when you were a kid didn't teach you good money management skills!  So why are you suggesting, and even placing guilt on this woman into doing the same thing to her child? 

Why do we do this?  Why do we think the best way was the way we were raised, and often shoot down any and all other options as below us?  Can we not look at our own past and learn from it, are we really that ignorant?

Didn't Einstein say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?  

Then why do we force our actions on our children.   Do you really want them to pay the same price you did for those same mistakes?


Isn't it time we started teaching our children the things we wished we had learned, and stop pushing our mistakes off onto them.

Couponing Burnout

I follow this blog to do my couponing, which several people have asked me about over the last year or two.  And while I love saving money, I have noticed in the couponing community, there is a fallout point, a "burnout" point if you will.

Then, I saw this post where Jenny talks about how to organize your coupons, and gives a finger point to why there is the burnout.

The Massive Coupon Binder.

Every extreme couponer has it, and everyone who is envious of the extreme deals and steals contemplates getting/making one.  I fell victim, and I do mean victim - as this thing stole my time, my sanity, my patience, and left me bitter and mad.

It's just a bit too much, as in, way too much.

If you're unfamiliar with this torture device, I'll give you a rundown of the typical binder.  Every coupon is classified into a category of usually around 20 categories.  Everything from baked goods, to laundry detergent, to hair care to over the counter medicines.  In each category, there are several sheets of baseball card protectors.

Every Sunday, the object of the game is to clip all the coupons from the paper, lay them out by category (usually on my floor since there's so many categories), and then proceed to take each pile, and origami them into works of art coupon chaos.

Unless you're Sir Speedy, or magic with tiny bits of paper into even tinier plastic pockets, it takes for-ev-er.  For-Ev-Errrr.

I can't tell you how many hours I've spent cutting and cutting to only get tired before I even organize them.  Or I've been sitting on my floor looking down so long, both my neck and rear hurt.

So, I've created my own system.  It's a organized enough I can find things quickly by category, but I'm not spending 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon folding ridiculous bits of paper.

I still use a binder and those dividers that I spent so much time on, but I put full sized sheet protectors in between each divider.  No more origami!!

Some people use this system with an accordion file system, but one of the reasons I didn't like it, was that I couldn't see in there without digging first, and it didn't have enough categories.

I've also stopped clipping every single coupon.  I don't care of buying Depends with my coupon will give me $5.00.  I dont need them/want them nor do I have space in my 770 sq foot house to store them til I donate them.  Those coupons would just sit and expire anyway, making me work even more taking them out later than just tossing them to begin with.

So, if you've experienced this "couponing burnout" but love the deals and hate the binder, I say create your own system that works for you.  Just because it works for one person, doesn't mean it will work for you.  I don't care if Susie Q. saves $400 a month using this binder and thinks you will too - if you dont have the time it requires and the patience for that folding mess, you're gonna stop couponing altogether soon, and you'll be more frustrated that you spent money and time on that binder to begin with.



Where you a couponer who burned out on the binder?  Have you stopped couponing altogether or have you found your saving grace in another system? 

Christmas 2010

Every year, as Christmas approaches I start to dread the end of December.  And part of this goes back to my Thanksgiving Post about the things that speak love me.  I dread Christmas because it only has an honest and "good" message when you're at church on the 25th, or at the Christmas play you go and see. 

Every year, I have a huge problem coming up with ideas for a Christmas list, because I keep being told "They should be things that you want." Well, not a major newsflash to many of you, but I tend to think I'm kind of a minimalist.  I like things organized, and I like there to enough of what we need, but none of what we don't.  We didn't even pick out a china pattern, because I thought it was useless - the plates we registered for were inexpensive, sturdy, and basic enough I could dress them up if I really wanted to, but great for everyday dining, and I could put them in the dishwasher.  It really doesn't take much "things" to make me happy.  Now, that's not to say a thoughtful gift here or there doesn't make a huge impact - I can definitely appreciate someone seeing something that is inexpensive, yet says "That's Dana!" to them and picking it up for me. I like that. 

However, Christmas has become about lists, and "who-to-buy-for"s and outdoing last year's gift, or picking out the gift that will be remembered the most. 

And I'm exhausted by it all. 

We've barely made it halfway through November, and I'm already exhausted by the thought of Christmas.

So this year, I'm doing things differently.  I'm starting now to think about how I want those things to change, because I really don't want to stand in a long line to buy a gift that I know will either be accepted with that "Oh...thanks." response that I know really means, "Great, another one of these...." or will tossed into the toy bin binS, as I know that child has more toys than we have bills.

Maybe I'll go the handmade route, and make some of my gifts this year.  Maybe I'll try the quality time route, as that seems to be something that we have very little of, but we could all use much more.  Or the service route, and do something like volunteer to wash and fold a few loads of laundry or treat a family to dinner with no cooking and no cleaning needed on their part. 


Do any of these things sound like something you'd like as a gift, and what things speak love to you?