Tattoos and permanent body marks

When John and I met, one of the first things that came up was his tattoos. I noticed one on his shoulder, and it lead to a discussion about whether I had any, if I was offended by them, etc. Obviously, I married him, I'm not offended by them, but I don't have any myself.

From time to time, this discussion comes up from other people and they always ask if I will ever get any.

I think this answer is a two part one, which roots itself into a deeper me, that not many people other than my husband know. All of you probably know that I have a birthmark, of a pretty decent size, on my arm. Everyone can see it, it's not in a place that's easy to hide, especially during the summer. The one good thing about tattoos is that you get to choose what it looks like, and where it goes.
I already have my own sort of tattoo. So, I think one reason people get tattoos is for the fascination of putting a permanent mark on your body.

So now into the deeper me. (breathe..1..2...3...) When I was growing up, people always stared at my birthmark. I could go into a store and actually watch people glance at my face, and then directly to my arm and walk past me, staring the whole time at my arm. I tried out for various teams and roles where I would be looked at, and got turned down for various reasons, but none that made sense. People have been afraid to touch my arm, afraid that it will "hurt" or that they'll get something from a birthmark. Countless times people have said "OH My God! You hurt your arm!!" and continue to point and shout. Even in my wedding pictures, I made a point to tell our photographer (go Amy for putting up with my craziness) to try not to get my birthmark in our photos.

It has affected my self-esteem to a point where few can understand. Most people say they hardly even notice it after they've known me for a while. But if you would've been on the beach with me in college, people didn't stare at me for being the skinny girl in the bikini, they would stare at my arm and think "what happened?" People notice.

When I was a teenager, my mom and I went to a surgeon and talked about options to remove my birthmark. Besides being a huge ugly, hairy thing on my arm, it is also a health issue with cancer. Due to the size and how deep the birthmark goes into my skin, they can not do laser treatment to remove it. I would have to have a large amount of skin graphed onto my arm, or go through a series of surgeries that would take up to 2 years to complete. Obviously, we decided to not go through with it and left the birthmark.

So how does all this relate to tattoos you might ask. Honestly, I don't see a fascination with them, at all. I'm not against them, and I think they're cool if you choose something that you wish to represent the rest of your life, but I've never felt like I want to get inked to remember those times. I still think my husband looks great, it doesnt change because he has tattoos, and because they're an expression of him, I find them pretty hot.

But for me, I've already had people stare at me all my life, I don't think a tattoo will help.

Because of my birthmark, and all the implications, all the under-the-breath comments, all of the things I've tried out for but wasn't chosen because the uniform of choice would be short sleeved (or sleeveless), I am very weary as to what I protray. I choose things importantly and very well thoughtout. When my husband says he wants to get sleeved out, I'm the voice of reason(or the party-pooper) who says that he will one day be judged very harshly for chosing those actions. I also think that if you don't want people to notice it about you, then take a proactive step to either cover it up, or not get it at all.

One day, I might get a tattoo, but I think it will be a huge hurdle for me to conquer emotionally.